Do you think we should've told them?
by caskett-tiva21
Summary: Kate finally admits that she remembers the day she was shot and what Castle told her that day. How The Blue Butterfly could have ended, but didn't. Spoiler to 4x14 The blue Butterfly and 4x01 Rise


"Do you think we should've told Jo and Vera about the blue butterfly?" Kate asked Castle when they were out of the apartment.

"Nah, why ruin it for them?"

"You know I kinda liked it when you said 'Kate' instead of 'Vera' when you were telling me the story." Kate admitted after they stepped into the elevator.

"Really?"

"Yeah, I liked the thought of you and me in the 40s. It's a romantic story." Kate said with a sparkle in her eyes.

"Actually...I was picturing you and me when I was reading the diary." Castle confessed shyly lowering his gaze.

When he looked up after a couple of seconds he saw something he didn't expect to see. He saw love in her eyes and a smile on her lips before she asked, "Did you really?" "Yes, it's also why I said 'Kate' when I was reading it." he said just as the elevator made a loud crush and the light went off. They were both to deep in thought to really notice what was going on and right now they didn't really care, so they just sat on the floor.

After a couple of minutes Castle looked up and was about to say something. When he saw the look Kate had in her eyes, he stopped himself. Her eyes were sad and he didn't know why. Five minutes ago there was love in them and now she looked sad. Rick wanted to know why because he hated to see her like that.

"Kate, you okay?" he asked.

She looked up and he saw the tears in her eyes. She wiped them away before she said: "Yeah, yeah it's nothing."

"Don't lie to me Kate. I know there's something you're not telling me." he replied gently. She began to silently cry as he moved forward wrapping his arms around her. He was confused to say the least. Whispering soft words, he tried to calm her down. After she had stopped crying he asked her what was wrong.

"I know you're going to hate me for this, but I have to tell you...!"

Now he was even more anxious to hear what she was going to say. Before he could tell her he'd never hate her she continued.

"I...I remember what you said to me at the cemetery when I got shot. I remember you...Telling me you loved me." She whispered the last words. She wasn't sure he heard them but when she looked at him she knew he heard because of the hurt look in his eyes. He said nothing. He just sat there, taking in what she was telling him. She remembered and didn't tell him. He was mad...Ohh yeah he was mad, he wanted to yell at her for not telling him, but what he wanted most was to understand WHY the hell she didn't tell him sooner.

"Say something please." He said nothing. Not a word.

"Please, say something or yell or whatever but do something." she begged. In her voice he heard the desperate need to hear something from him. So he said the only thing he could think of right now.

"Why?" She understood that he wanted to know why she hadn't bothered to tell him she remembered that day but she was also surprised he didn't yell, so she started:

"When I woke up at the hospital everything was a blur. I couldn't think straight and didn't even try to remember, but when you came to my room everything came back and all of a sudden I remembered everything. I was scared and I wasn't entirely sure what you said was real, but when you asked me if I remembered anything and I said no and looked at you and saw your look, I knew it was real," by now she had tears in her eyes again and wasn't looking at him, she continued,

"I told you I'd call you because I was scared. I was afraid of messing everything up. I didn't want to tell you I remembered and hear you repeat these words I also felt because I knew I wasn't ready to deal with them. It's not that I didn't want to but I just couldn't. When you left I didn't stop thinking about it. I just couldn't call you so one day when I saw you had a dedication for your book I came. That day on the swings I wanted to tell you, but then I realized I wasn't ready yet. From that day on I went to my therapist again and that wall I told you about was starting to come down day by day. I'm telling you this now because I can't take it anymore...lying to you. I just can't. I know you hate me and you have every right to do so but PLEASE try to understand." she watched as he stood up, and did the same.

Just when they were both on their feet again the elevator started and opened at the lobby. Castle got out of the elevator and walked away without a word. Kate didn't come out of the elevator; she slid down the walls of the elevator and began to cry again. After what felt like hours she stood up, made her way to her car and drove home.

When she got to her apartment she put on an old sweater, went to the kitchen, took ice cream out of the freezer and went to the couch. After a couple of seconds lost in her thoughts she began to cry -AGAIN- while she ate the ice cream.

When Castle got home he went straight to the office, -ignoring Alexis who called him to know what was going on- sat down on his chair and let a few tears escape his eyes. He was thinking about her words, he was mad at her for not telling him, but he was also mad at himself for walking away without saying a word. He felt horrible for that but still...how could she not tell him? Then he noticed Alexis standing in front of the desk, watching him. "What happened?" she asked and he told her everything, like he always did.

"You didn't say anything when you left?" She was a little bit mad at Kate but right now she had to deal with her father and she was mad at him too for just walking away like he did. "I just love her so much" he thought and just then he really realized how he had left her - crying in an elevator. "Ohh god, I gotta go see her" and with those words he left the office and walked out the door too fast for Alexis to say anything else.

Kate was still crying when she heard a soft knock on her door. She got up without bothering to wipe away the tears she still had in her eyes, opened the door and that's when she saw him. He didn't say anything; he just came in and kissed her before she knew what was happening. When his lips crushed on hers she couldn't think anymore. She knew they still had to talk but right now she didn't really care. She was about to kiss him back when he pulled away and whispered 'I'm so sorry Kate' over and over again. She didn't say anything, she put her hand on his neck pushing him towards her And kissed him, her other hand resting on his shoulder. One of his hand got to her neck and pushed her closer to him (if that was even possible). They kissed softly. A couple of minutes after that they both needed to breath so he broke the kiss and began to kiss her neck and further down when he reached her scar he suddenly stopped and looked her in the eyes. When she realized he was about to kiss her scar she didn't stop him -not that she wanted to- but then she felt him stop and felt his gaze on her so she opened her eyes and nodded softly. He understood what she meant and made his way down to kiss her. When they pulled back they looked into the others eyes. "I love you" they said at the same time.

_The End_


End file.
